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"Well, I do have an unfair advantage of not bein' in a shitty movie," said Vinnie.

But oh. The true shittiness of the movie would soon reveal itself. For it was...

Unimaginably boring.

So boring, not even all these attractive men could save it. Vinnie could feel his eyes glazing over as one character blurred into the next and they were forced to watch the mundane, everyday affairs of these astoundingly uninteresting people.

Sexy dancers had been promised and there was a distinct lack of sexy dancing most of the time. And when there was sexy dancing, it was... Bizarre?

"I can't tell what kind of audience this is aimed at," Bulba spoke up as the film dragged on. One would assume ladies, but there were enough indulgences there that he had to wonder if it had been made for straight dudes anyway.

"Where'd all the strippers go."

"I think. This is some two hour long joke being played on people who wanted a movie about strippers," was the only real conclusion Vinnie could offer, but his brain was practically a sieve right now. Every line of dialogue was going in one ear and out the other, and he could barely tell who wanted what, who did the thing, what was the point, fucking hell.

Oh boy, more plot was starting to happen. Or something. Whatever this plot actually was. Vinnie rolled his head back with a groan, and complained, "Can we put something else on, yet?"

"Yes, let's. I've been had and lied to." Bulba eyed Vinnie rolling his head back and chuckled. "I don't want you hurting yourself either."

Bulba slithered out of his comfy cocoon of pillows and boyfran- which had been the only real plus to the time spent watching stripper disappointments- and shuffled his way over to the end of the bed to rifle through the bag of dvds. He didn't really look to see which one he was grabbing since-

"What are the chances that was the worst one?"

The boring images came to a stop and blacked out as Bulba ejected the disc. At last, the mundane crisis was over.

"I dunno, even if there's worse, I feel pretty confident that none've the others can possibly be that boring," said Vinnie, still not budging from his languishingly bored position - not even glancing at the screen to see what Bulba picked. He really no longer cared.

There was an unwarranted pang that shot through him even as he laughed, vines slipping out to put disappointments away in their cases so they never had to look at them again. There was a stupid little whisper that Bulba steadfastly tried to ignore: you're still wasting his time.

No, he told himself, slipping the next movie into the tray. Not today.

"You're probably right."

And then there was a pretty morning field on the screen. The sun was rising on their unforseen foe.

The period piece was here.

What. No. What...

It took about fifteen minutes of British accents and flowy dresses for Vinnie actually start to doze off. Something about all this gentile speech and classical music was just lulling him to sleep.

And this supposed hunk, Mr. Farcy, had yet to even show his face - much less for his shirt to come off, as the DVD cover seemed to suggested.

There were a lot of cravats though. So many.

So boring.

Vinnie might've started snoring a little.

Mr. Farcy you were such a farce.

Bulba had realized this was probably a bad choice fairly early on, but he had just gotten all comfy and cozied up again. It had seemed like a shame to immediately get back out again so he had... stayed. For a bit. And it was nice. For a bit. He spent more time watching Vinnie's face than he did the movie.

He liked the way the older saur's face relaxed, and the way his lips parted slightly. (The drool was its own special kind of endearing.) The slow sound of his breathing was peaceful. When Vinnie let out a snore, Bulba smiled.

...Though it was a sadder sort of smile, since as much as he was comfortable curled up at Vinnie's slumbering side, his dozing made it harder to shake the feeling that it might have been better if Vinnie were doing something else. Bulba worried his lower lip, unsure which direction to take.

Ultimately, a vine snaked out to conquer the period piece with the stop button. Not their cup of tea to be sure. It was probably better to stop wasting time. Or, more accurately, stop wasting Vinnie's time.

Bulba gently poked Vinnie's cheek.

Poke poke.

With a startled half-snore, half-snort, Vinnie's obvious sleep noises stopped and he muttered, "I wasn't sleeping."

His eyes were still closed though. Presumably, resting.

"Of course not," Bulba hummed, sounding a bit amused. "You weren't snoring either."

"Y'damn right."

Vinnie groggily peeked open his eyes. Some more sitting and talking over teatime was happening on the television screen. Riveting.

"So s'anyone gotten hitched at all, yet?"

"Nope. I don't really think they were planning on it any time soon, so I paused it."

It was just about as exciting paused as it was in motion. Wow.

"Maybe we should, uh, try a different one. They can't all be awful."

"Aw. But they were so right for each other," Vinnie said with a sarcastic drawl, clearly harbouring near to no investment in the lives of these fictional Victorian people at all.

Okay, he'd make some effort to try and prop himself up though. If only because continuing to lay there was only threatening to drag him back into sleepytime. "Law of averages, right? That means the next one's gotta be double good."

"Double good, huh? That might be asking for a lot."

Regardless, it was happening. They were making it happen. Slowly, and with purpose. And once more with not really paying attention to what was replacing the snoozefest that came before it.

"Third time is supposedly the charm."

Play button engaged.

Okay okay, this time Vinnie was going to try to make a bigger effort to stay awake and pay attention. It wasn't much fun for either of them if he was snoozing the entire time.

Besides, the beginning of this movie actually seemed more promising. The lighting and costumes were a bit cheap, maybe, but at least the characters had chemistry beyond tactfully talking about nothing over tea.

He sat upright a little more. "What's this one called?"

It was good to have chemistry when they were supposedly married. Which was a nice twist to the story so far, since these sorts of movies usually followed the story of them getting together in the first place.

Though it was still early, maybe they were going to flashback or something.

"Uh..." Bulba scooted forward to see where the box went, snagging it up out of the pile with a vine so he didn't have to go far. Oh, weird, it looked like the copy they were given had been missing its original dvd sleeve. "Love Possibly?" He answered, reading the sharpie-title that had been slipped on to the box.

"Huh." Never heard of it. Not that Vinnie had a wealth of romantic comedy knowledge anyway.

But lo, suddenly another man entered the woman's life. He's everything she doesn't have in her husband - the whole tall, dark and handsome package, classy, suave, romantic. He promised excitement and passion in a life that had been idyllic, if ordinary and plain. A love triangle was ensuing.

"So, bets on who she'll end up with?" said Vinnie, Not that he was particularly invested, but hey, think of it as a test to see how predictable this movie would be.

The smooth charmer was going to prove to be an issue, seeing as he was the husband's very good friend as well. There were so many opportunities for lingering glances and getting all close. It was easy to see how this was going to start getting complicated.

Bulba hummed a bit as he watched some of the events unfold. "Well they probably got married for a reason, but... I don't know, she seems to get along really well with the friend."

Really well.

"So, you think she's gonna go for him?" Huh. Interesting. Vinnie wouldn't have pegged Bulba for leaning towards the third party.

Scratching his jaw, he figured, "My money's on staying with the husband. He's... dependable, y'know?" Even if he didn't have as much flair, he'd always been there. Steadfast, patient, earnest. They were all qualities of someone you'd want to spend your life with. It seemed unfair if the point of the movie was to punish that.

"I mean, it'd be a pretty crappy moral t'this story if it's to leave your husband like that."

"Yeah, it would. It doesn't look like an unhappy marriage either." On the contrary, it looked like they were still having a good time, even when the friend was in the picture.

"I hope she doesn't do that," he murmured a bit quieter than he intended, pre-occupied. The wife and friend were in a room. Alone. Giving each other looks.

But wait! Suddenly, the husband walked in on the two of them, while they were having all this sexual tension. A confrontation seemed to be nigh. A choice had to be made.

But she loved them both. What was a woman to do?

And Vinnie was actually watching now. Hey, he wanted to know who she'd end up with, if only to see which one of them had guessed right. Everyone was giving everyone else looks. Looks for all. What a heated moment.

Bulba had to admit he was a little invested in the outcome himself.

It was starting to look like her choice was going to end up coming from the end of a heated moment. This was totally going to end in a fight. The husband had grabbed his friend by the collar and his wire had gasped. While Bulba's thoughts told him the suave friend was going to get punched, part of him felt that wait... This seemed wrong. That wasn't actually a fighting expression and--

Oh.

Oh they were kissing??

They were kissing. Bulba blinked and then looked at Vinnie and then blinked again. "Oh."

...Oh.

Vinnie also blinked and then looked at Bulba and then blinked again. "Oh... kay. I didn't see that coming."

"Nobody wins," Bulba concluded with a small laugh, sliding his eyes back to the screen.

Oh, now the wife was taking their shirts off.

"Or, uh, I guess everyone wins."

This was a lot of making out. He wondered how far this was going to go before the inevitable fade to black came into play.

Oh, shirtlessness was happening. A lot of hands feeling up shapely torsos and hair being tousled. Then the bra came flying off and seriously, they still hadn't faded out yet. That was. Unusual.

Hands were getting very exploratory now. The camera was even zooming in on bulges as they grew hard. The awkwardness was getting very real now.

Vinnie turned away from the TV just as everyone's pants were practically being clawed off in the heat of passion, looking to Bulba with an expression of confusion and disbelief.

"What was the rating on this movie again?"

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